And Then I Cried: Stories of a Mortuary NCO

MWSA Review

Before he was an award-winning actor, George C, Scott spent four years in the U.S. Marines. His main duty as a Marine was to be part of an Honor Guard for funerals at Arlington National Cemetery. “It was depressing work,” Scott told an interviewer years later, claiming that the heavy drinking that marked his Hollywood career began when “the funerals started to haunt me in my dreams.” Scott’s reactions were not out of the ordinary; combat soldiers interviewed for after-action reports have frequently stated that they have found participation in burials of their comrades more upsetting than the stress of being in battle. To date however, few soldiers have written much about the subject of dealing with the interment of servicemen who die on duty. A rare exception is the late Nicholas Profitt, a self-confessed “army brat” and war correspondent, who drew upon his experiences of being part of Arlington honor guards for his 1983 novel Gardens of Stone.

Now, Justin Jordan, a two-decade veteran of the Air Force, has written this frank, sad, sometimes grisly but ultimately inspiring memoir of his duties in being a mortuary NCO. In brisk and direct prose, Jordan relates his experiences, stressing the care with which the mortuary sergeant must handle any and all details concerning the preparation and burial of a dead military serviceperson. Jordan describes his efforts in simple language, and stresses the emotional impact of his duties on both himself and those he dealt with – from cleaning dried blood off personal effects before returning them to families, to witnessing autopsies and inspecting prepared corpses, to handling all communications with next of kin. Over time, the strain of such work began to tell on Jordan. There is a very angry passage in the narrative where he expresses his furious “disdain” for a man who committed suicide, abandoning his responsibilities toward a child about the same age as Jordan’s own daughter.

Jordan adds details concerning his other service duties, including at least three overseas postings, but from his memoir it appears that most of his mortuary duties occurred stateside.  He describes only those incidents that he recalls most vividly, those whose emotional impact were most palpable. After hadling details concerning the death of a friend in a particularly gruesome accident on base, Jordan realized that he was beginning to “unravel” -- losing sleep, feeling anxiety, having depressing dreams of the dead, and eventually experiencing memory lapses. Admitting that he put off seeking help far too long, Jordan finally spoke with a counselor and was diagnosed with PTSD. Jordan’s book is thus a wrenching story of the cost that he paid in service to the nation, as well as the losses he witnessed to the families of those who died in service.

The book is a quick, but memorable read, and, for a self-published work, is well designed and hardbound. The only weakness of the book is the poor quality of the photographs (which thankfully do not include images of corpses, but of military bases, overseas postings, and some funeral services). It is clear that many of these images are copies from web sites, and some are too grainy to be of much use. Unfortunately even Jordan’s dust jacket photo of himself is rather poor; at first glance it is hard to see that he is with his service dog.

Jordan concludes his memoir with a brief summary of his ongoing recovery and an appeal for better post-service resources. For this is the point of And Then I Cried – to remind readers that, even in non-combat duty, military men and women, and their families, pay a price every day for what they do. It is highly recommended and should be read as a reminder that the casualties of military service do not occur only on battlefields.

Reviewed by: Terry Shoptaugh (2013)

Author's Summary

"And Then I Cried: Stories of a Mortuary NCO" is the first work from Justin Jordan. Jordan details life as an Air Force Mortuary Non Commissioned Officer. In his stunning debut Jordan forces the reader to walk beside him on his journey in this gruesome world. Jordan holds nothing back, and shares in graphic detail how he honored America’s heroes, both at deployed locations and stateside. This book will pry your eyes wide open as you gasp from the sheer horror he faced daily, from dealing with the families of the fallen, to witnessing the embalming and preparations of the deceased. Jordan also shares how this job taxed his mental well-being, as he suffered in silence, longing not to care. Jordan is still serving on Active Duty and suffers from the crippling effects of PTSD, his story will enlighten you, it will touch you, and yes, you will cry.